Whether you've met someone online or at the local coffee shop, the thought of a first date can be terrifying. Maybe you haven't been on a date for a while, or you've already had a few disastrous dates that have damaged your confidence. Take a deep breath; dating can be easy with the right attitude. So, how do you take the sting out of dating?
Remember that you're not alone. Dating is a frightening prospect for many people. The person you are going to meet is probably feeling tense too. Of course you will be nervous, but let that be a valuable part of the experience, not a heavy burden. It's not the end of the world if your date is not perfect. Just put it down to experience and carry on with your life. The next date could be exactly what you're looking for.
Ask yourself why you want to go on a date. It sounds like a silly question, but have you really sat down and thought about what you want from the date? Are you after a long-term relationship, or short-term fun? Do you want to gain another friend? Maybe you're just lonely? There are no correct answers, but there is a correct way to approach any date – with honesty.
Think about how you would want to be treated. Would you want the other person to pretend to be somebody they're not? Probably not. Treat the other person with the same respect. Deceiving them now will only complicate matters later on. If you're not after a serious relationship, don't let the other person believe you are; in other words, don't lead them on.
Remember the real purpose of dating. You're going on a date to meet someone new, to have a good time, and to learn more about the other person. Focus on the person you are dating and genuinely try to learn more about them. Genuine interest in another person is attractive; talking about yourself too much is a turn off. (Unless you've been asked.)
When you're considering what to wear, don't worry about looking perfect. Most importantly, be smart, clean, and smell nice. First impressions do count, but people will ultimately judge your overall personality. Unless it's a formal dinner event, dress smart and casual. You will feel more relaxed and appear to be more genuine.
Another way to take the sting out of dating is to arrange a “group date.” Invite some friends to the venue and they can invite their friends too. Having familiar people there will put you at ease, and when you need some practical or emotional support, they'll be right there for you.
Plan ahead. Memorize a few topics or questions and use them during any uncomfortable silences. Obviously, don't write down ideas and refer to them in front of your date; this will seem strange and they will feel like you're interviewing them for a job.
The best way to take the sting out of dating is to treat your date as if they are one of your friends. You don't try hard to impress your friends, do you? Just act naturally. Be polite, of course, but don't try too hard to dazzle your date with your unique personality. That can come later.
Remember, you have nothing to lose when dating people. If you don't click with someone, you're not going to lose a good friend; you are just ready to let another person into your life. Think of a date as an added bonus to your social life. With this attitude, dating will be less of a burden and more of a thrill.
Kirk Neuert
Comments